Chapter 1: Recess duty dangers
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Please welcome Matthew Dicks to the stage. Thank you.
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15 seconds
I'm standing on the playground behind my school. It's recess duty.
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19 seconds
When my son was very little, he asked me, Is recess duty like duty? Like poop?
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25 seconds
And I said, yeah, actually, it is just like that. And I sent him away.
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29 seconds
I am sure that conversation created enormous problems for him at some point in his life.
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34 seconds
But it was an accurate description of recess duty.
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37 seconds
I waste my precious time putting band aids on cuts that are not cuts, pretending to listen to stories about
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44 seconds
cousins birthday parties, and telling mean children that they have no one to play with because they are mean.
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51 seconds
And so I'm standing there doing all of these things when I hear these four words that strike fear into my heart. Never have I ever.
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1 minute
And I look over and I see three of my students, ten year old girls, on the sidewalk, and apparently they are playing this game.
Chapter 2: Playing never have I ever
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1 minute, 7 seconds
So now I am running, because I have played Never Have I Ever. I understand the dynamics of this game.
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1 minute, 12 seconds
This is not a benevolent game where we acquire knowledge about our friends. This is social combat.
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1 minute, 19 seconds
This is, we extract information from foolish children and then we sharpen it and we stab them with it later on.
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1 minute, 27 seconds
So I'm running over, like, 1985, Jimbo Power's birthday party.
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1 minute, 32 seconds
Melissa says, Matt, never have you ever kissed someone?
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1 minute, 35 seconds
And immediately I have to figure out Do I tell the truth?
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1 minute, 38 seconds
Basically what I'm wondering is, is everyone else in this room kissed somebody?
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1 minute, 42 seconds
Because if so, now I have to lie and say yes, and I have to prepare myself for the questions that will come, which will undoubtedly be, Who did you kiss?
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1 minute, 49 seconds
And since no one has ever kissed me in my school, and probably never will, I have to make up a story about the time my parents took me to the far flung land of
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1 minute, 58 seconds
Pawtucket, Rhode Island or Woburn and I was in a candy store and I had a tryst by a licorice stand with a girl Story that
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2 minutes, 7 seconds
did not work a kid once asked me never have you ever gone to third base and I knew It wasn't about baseball, but that
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2 minutes, 15 seconds
is all I knew about that question So I am running to these girls and as I get close I hear one of them say Never have I ever gone to bed without brushing my teeth.
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2 minutes, 27 seconds
And I sort of grind to a halt.
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2 minutes, 28 seconds
Because this is not 1985 Sex and Drugs, Never Have I Ever.
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2 minutes, 32 seconds
This is like Paw Patrol, Never Have I Ever. It's fine. There's nothing wrong here.
Chapter 3: The changing generation
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2 minutes, 39 seconds
And as I turn to walk away, the girls say, Mr. Dicks, you want to play Never Have I Ever?
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2 minutes, 43 seconds
And they explain to me That their game's a competition.
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2 minutes, 46 seconds
They stand on the sidewalk and if you've never ever done something, you take a step forward and whoever gets to the bench first wins.
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2 minutes, 52 seconds
And now I'm all in because I love competition.
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2 minutes, 55 seconds
I love to crush small children in games that are utterly meaningless so I can feel better about myself as a human being.
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3 minutes, 3 seconds
So I'm standing there on the line with the girls and the first girl says, Never have I ever climbed a mountain. And all three of them step forward.
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3 minutes, 11 seconds
I'm like, are you kidding me?
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3 minutes, 12 seconds
You're ten and you've never gone up a mountain?
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3 minutes, 15 seconds
Like, no lie, when I'm twelve I get lost in the white mountains of New Hampshire for two days. And nobody cares, including me.
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3 minutes, 23 seconds
They've never climbed a mountain before?
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3 minutes, 25 seconds
The next girl says, Never have I ever gone to bed without a night light on.
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3 minutes, 29 seconds
And I think, Oh my god, lady, don't say that.
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3 minutes, 32 seconds
Cause we're all gonna make fun of you for it.
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3 minutes, 34 seconds
Oh my God, I'm the only one who's going to make fun of her for this.
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3 minutes, 38 seconds
Like, this group of children that I'm taking care of, they're so different than I was.
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3 minutes, 44 seconds
Like, they've taken all their daggers and put them away. They're sweet, they're accepting. It's not all good. No, no, it's not all good.
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3 minutes, 50 seconds
Like, they, this generation of children can't get ten feet from a water bottle without being triggered in some way.
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3 minutes, 56 seconds
They're the most hydrated group of kids I've ever met in my entire life. It is a nightmare.
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4 minutes, 3 seconds
They can't go through my math lessons without a squishy thing or a stuffed animal.
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4 minutes, 7 seconds
I had a girl last week in my math lesson with a blanket wrapped around her. I said, what's up with the blanket? She said, it makes me happy during math.
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4 minutes, 15 seconds
I said, math isn't happy. It's awful. It's hard. It's onerous.
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4 minutes, 20 seconds
I would have loved to have a water bottle and a, and a blanket and a stuffed animal during math when I was a kid. All I had was angst and despair.
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4 minutes, 28 seconds
It made me who I am. I can't stand these kids.
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4 minutes, 32 seconds
And I'm losing the game because I have done everything and they've done nothing, so they're nine steps ahead of me.
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4 minutes, 40 seconds
And then the tallest girl says, Never have I ever met my father's expectations.
Chapter 4: Father's expectations
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4 minutes, 47 seconds
And I think, that is nonsense, because I know your fathers. They're all fine men. What are you talking about?
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4 minutes, 53 seconds
And one of the girls says, Well, I'm a swimmer, and when I get a PR in the pool and I come out, my dad's happy for me.
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4 minutes, 59 seconds
But then he says, But just imagine how much better you could have been if you had nailed the kick turn on the third lap.
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5 minutes, 5 seconds
And the next girl says, Well, I mastered my multiplication facts last month, and when I came home to my dad, he said, That's great, but why didn't you do it in October when you were supposed to?
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5 minutes, 14 seconds
And the third one says, My dad always tells me how I can be better, and I know he does it because he loves me, but it never feels like love.
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5 minutes, 23 seconds
And now I'm panicking.
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5 minutes, 25 seconds
I'm thinking what about my children, Charlie and Clara?
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5 minutes, 27 seconds
Have I ever told them that they've met my expectations? They never have. I mean, they don't even come close.
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5 minutes, 33 seconds
Like, but how have I at least fooled them into believing that they occasionally meet my expectations?
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5 minutes, 40 seconds
And so as I'm panicking about this situation, the tall girl says, Mr. Dicks, have you ever met your father's expectations?
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5 minutes, 49 seconds
And I catch for a minute. I don't know what to say.
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5 minutes, 52 seconds
But then I know exactly what to say because I've been working with kids for 25 years as a teacher and I know they're, they're more capable than we all know.
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6 minutes, 1 second
And so I tell her, I say, my father left when I was seven and he never came back.
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6 minutes, 7 seconds
And so I don't think he ever had expectations for me.
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6 minutes, 11 seconds
And three hands reach out and they grab my wrist and they pull me forward.
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6 minutes, 17 seconds
And that girl says, That counts, Mr. Dicks.
Chapter 5: A moment of healing
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6 minutes, 22 seconds
And then she tells me, I'm sorry your father abandoned you when you were a kid.
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6 minutes, 29 seconds
And it is crazy, but from the age of 7 to 52, I have basically been waiting for my father to come back.
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6 minutes, 42 seconds
And it is not until I'm on a sidewalk with a 10 year old girl.
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6 minutes, 47 seconds
That I understand for the first time that he is not coming back.
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6 minutes, 52 seconds
It is the first time I have ever in my life heard the word abandoned used to describe what happened to me.
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7 minutes, 2 seconds
And it is the first time ever that a human being has ever said to me, I'm sorry that happened to you.
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7 minutes, 10 seconds
My friends have said, that sucked. It was terrible. Well, I know that my wife. hates what happened to me as a boy.
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7 minutes, 21 seconds
But that ten year old girl, she was the first person to tell me, I am sorry for what happened to you when you were seven.
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7 minutes, 32 seconds
When people ask me today why I am still a public school teacher after 25 years,
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7 minutes, 39 seconds
with all of the unspeakable, ridiculous, nonsensical, impossible things.
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7 minutes, 47 seconds
that schoolteachers go through today, and with, quite honestly, all the other opportunities I have to leave a classroom
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7 minutes, 55 seconds
and go do other things with my life, my answer is always immediate and simple.
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8 minutes, 2 seconds
I love kids, but far more important than that, kids understand me, and they speak truth to me, and they love me.